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05 May 2014 @ 11:18 pm
because you're a sky full of stars, it's such a heavenly view  

happy birthday byun baekhyun!
Happy 23rd birthday Baekhyun!
"How timid and delicate unrequited love is? Even though unrequited love finds its own way in, it's a love that gets trapped inside, unable to find an exit. Even though I'm the one who started it, without knowing a thing if he leaves my sight one day. It's a love that ends vain without ever having a purpose. Never ever even having had the chance to bud or bloom any flowers, a love that can never bear fruit like a seed left forgotten. That is unrequited love." -Go Dokmi (Flower Boy Next Door)

It's been two years since the first time I saw you. Two years and my feelings for you are still the same. Well to be honest it's not the same. Not exactly. My feelings for you grew and I fell deeper and deeper and I don't think I can ever get up from it. Although you may never know how I feel or what I'm about to say, I'm glad that it's you. It was you and it still is you, Byun Baekhyun.

I will never forget what I felt the first time I saw you. It wasn't love at first sight, definitely not. The first time I saw you I thought "Who would even like this guy? He wears more eyeliner than a girl does". I didn't think you were handsome, there was really nothing about your physical appearance that attracted me. But I did like your voice, I just didn't listen closely enough to notice how beautiful it is. I watched the music video a couple of times, over and over and over again, but I still felt nothing. The day you debuted on Music Bank, that was when I felt it. I couldn't stop myself from looking at you. I didn't even know your name but I had my eyes on you. I would get frustrated when the camera wasn't focused on you. Sure, the other members are attractive too, but among all of them it was you. The only thing I knew about you then was that people called you "Bacon". After getting to know what your name was I just knew. If in reality we have what we call our soulmate and one true love, to me that was you. You were my The One.

No matter how hard I tried to escape it, to escape you, I couldn't. To me you weren't a drug, you weren't an obsession or an addiction. You were more of like the sun. You were something I needed. Without the sun there wouldn't be sunlight and warmth. The earth would be plunged into darkness. I guess in some sense that's what you are like to me. When things got hard you were there. You helped me go through it. I know it may sound stupid but you really did. When I wanted to give up, I thought of you. When I felt cold, you were there to keep me warm. When all I could see and feel was darkness, you were there to light up the path for me.

To the boy who is like the sun to me, thank you for being alive. Thank you for always smiling even though things can get hard. Thank you for enduring all the pain and criticism. Thank you for never giving up because if you did, you wouldn't be where you are right now. You wouldn't be standing on stage fulfilling your dreams. Thank you for making us laugh with you, cry with you and smile with you. But most importantly, thank you for being you.

I don't want this message to be long and cheesy but I guess it already is. All I wanted to say is that you mean alot to me, more than anyone ever has and ever will. Although this love is one-sided, I'm glad that I actually have a heart. My love for you has made me grow into a better person. I may not be in my best form yet but I'm sure I will be someday. Everything you do inspires me to do my best and to never give up. It's like what you said "Life is a path full of efforts", and I definitely believe in that. I hope that one day (even though it might never ever happen) you'll get to notice me or acknowledge my existence.

Although you're turning 23, to me you're still 5. I still can't believe you're that old because you look like a baby and I know you will forever look that way. This may not be the best gift ever because all I can give you is my heart and soul lol. But seriously all I can give you is my love and even though I'm just a fan, I know you appreciate that. I'm glad that you're a part of my life because you left a mark and I don't think that mark will go away. Not now, not ever. Happy birthday Byun Baekhyun! I love you.

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Dear followers who have been looking for me and wondering where I've been, if you didn't read my twitlonger, please know that I quit fandom already. And if you're looking for me you can find me on my p/a or my other p/a but that's kinda like really private and there's a less chance for me to let you in. But if you really want to talk you can hit me up on ask.fm since I'm still pretty active on there!